tired | a life of 幽玄

today i want to vent but I’m not sure what I want to vent about honestly. I think I am just tired as my sleep has sucked majorly this week. All day I have been extremely irritable. Sometimes I have a difficult time dealing with people (when people talk too much – this is a big one, when they don’t drive like I want them to drive because I have road rage, when people say they are going to do something then don’t, etc). My ego often delights in thinking about making “pet peeve” lists because I seem to have a lot of them. My weakness is irritability. It has gotten better over the years, but still.

My life has turned into madness lately (though not in a bad way) with taking on some big projects as well as the personal training certificate and i have about 500 things I want to accomplish outside of that as well.

in progress:

-community health ebook
-personal training studying, anatomy (certain amt of hrs per week)
-japanese studying (certain amt of hrs per week)
-finish book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” (halfway through)
-finish book “Power Foods” (haven’t started yet)
-finish book “Making Ideas Happen” (halfway through)
-more health research so that i can have more info on health site
-regular quick health tip videos
-isagenix prospects, holding contests, online marketing
-aiming for gym 5x/week (currently at about 3-4)
-cook something new once per week (I cook all the time but only the stuff I know how to cook. I want to cook new and better things).

This is the priority list as of now, aside from my side projects + full-time job. There’s quite a bit more but this is what needs to be focused on. Once I clear up a lot of this I will be in a much better position and can start my plant-based nutrition certificate which I am really excited about.

I can barely keep my eyes open, but I feel adamant about updating all of my blogs and spending some more time with my macbook pro. The screen…it’s just toooo CLEAR. Gorgeous!

Thoughts have been in and out of wondering what my life is, what I am, why I don’t really feel anything about anything. This is a common thing with me, though. I’m in a perpetually weirded-out state about the nature of things. I’m also always frustrated that being that I’m a creature living on this earth, I am always experiencing things through a unique, sometimes emotionally-influenced perspective, but not one that’s ever truly objective. A lot of us just want to know what everything really IS?

This is why I don’t tend to write down personal stuff on blogs. It’s just really weird, because then I look at all this shit I’m writing and think, “this blabbery ain’t nothing new, nor are these existential crises, I’m just another pea in a pod talking about their mental state. I’m done with this shit.”

The only justification I can find is this: Have a record to look back on later of my experiences in life. That’s a pretty damn cool thing to have. I’m also so not used to writing about personal stuff that’s going on in my life so much as just writing about things I’m interested in and that aren’t personal. So when it comes to actually writing personal things down, I tend to feel like I’m only able to write about the weirdness of personal things. Oh well, maybe I’ll get used to it.